Thursday, July 17, 2014

He holds my hand and my heart

Working at a dental office, I was more stubborn than anything, and as the receptionist came in a third time announcing I had a phone call from my Dr.'s office, but this time putting emphasis on the fact that it was MY DOCTOR that was on the phone, I knew I had to take the call.

Annoyed, I looked at the patient we were working on (We were doing a root canal- and yes, it might have been 2004, but I can remember it like it was yesterday) and apologized (again). Leaving the room I went to our back office area.

I grabbed the phone and sort of abruptly gave the "HELLO!" as if to let him know he was now on "my time"... Sure, as if HIS time wasn't worth anything. He made a comment about me avoiding him, to which I responded I was busy, but then he quickly said he needed to see me today. I had a full schedule of patients and that just wouldn't work. Me and my priorities... He said he didn't want to review the results over the phone, and I let him know I wasn't available till Friday (it was Wednesday)... reminding him (in my head) he was still on "my time". Then he came out with it... "You have MS and we need to see you (and your husband) to talk about treatment options."

My husband... oh wow, how was I going to call him and tell him I was officially broken? That something actually was "broken" in my brain. We had been married less than 3 years, and now this, it just seemed so unfair. I knew what it meant, its a LONG TERM death sentence. It felt like right there through the phone I'd been handed a life sentence with no possibility for parole followed by the death penalty for added measure. There would be no escape. It just seemed so unfair!
I called him to let him know I was leaving work, picking him up, and we had to go to my Dr's. He simply said, "OK". I kept thinking- I don't think he gets it...

We arrived and were taking back right away. I love Nurse PattyJo! Dr. Khamisani came back and although he and I always joke around, this time we were a tad more serious. Well I tried to be anyway.

He reviewed my MRI, I was relieved I had a brain, and had the proof in film form. I asked if I could keep them. (I had to find humor somewhere). We sat there as he went through everything and what it all meant.
His words were just that... words.
What really meant the world was sitting right next to me was the greatest man in the world. And he held my hand. As I picked a drug "choice" (he even helped joke about that to make me smile) discussing how needles would become my life, he squeezed my hand and said I would be fine.

Several years later I was selected to participate in a drug study that would in turn help approve a FDA pill drug (and get me away from the needle)... yep... he was right... I'm doing just fine.

With his hand- we were wed, and with his hand I continue my battle with  MS. With his hand I sat by his side and have received my bachelors and masters. With his hand he holds my heart...