Angry

The tears streams down my face faster than I could control. I felt like a complete total failure as the dentist confirmed what the hygienist said so matter of factly, as if it were no big deal. My broken filling had affected the bone around the tooth, and after 7 years of neglect, it was too late. The worst part, I had already planned it out. Cleaning this month, root canal and crown the following month. But as the tears flowed the dentist seemed to not understand my loss. But then he didn't understand why it had been over 7 years. He didn't realize that as a mother in those years I now have 2 kids that went through braces, 3 kids that had all 4 wisdom teeth out (2 that had 4 more), that I had my gallbladder removed. Or that sitting in a chair while they take a wire and use an xray to guide it to through your breast while talking to you and telling you everything will be fine- the wire helps guarantee they don't have to remove as much... Yeah, I did fix my other tooth when I couldn't take it anymore. I know, 10 years in the field and I was "that person". But I put everyone first. Made sure everyone got the glasses they needed. And yes, I know, I am blessed to have had an FSA account. But it was gone! And any time I needed it for my tooth... It was gone... I had to hope for the next year and pray my MS didn't take a turn for the worse or my meds didn't double in price. Tomorrow I am putting up a fight. It's early in the year. And while I have money, I am fighting for a bone graft! MS or not- I deserve some one to try. But for now, I am ANGRY! Angry at myself for letting it get like this, angry that I had to make choices in my health care and put priorities on what was most important at the cost of other things. And angry that my frustration at the situation is not completely understood.